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Shumock Masonry Inc. est. 1981

PHONE: 215-840-0321 / 215-491-9525 FAX: 215-343-7647 E-MAIL: SHUMOCK MASONRY

Serving Eastern Pennsylvania - Bucks, Montgomery, Chester Counties area since 1981

FUNNY IS A STATE OF MIND - HUMOR IS THE EFFECT!

HOW ABOUT A LITTLE JOBSITE HUMOR ?

- When the mother asked her little girl what she wanted for her birthday, she said that she wanted a Barbie doll and GI Joe doll. The mother smiled and said, "but honey, Barbie comes with Ken." The little girl looked at her mother and replied, "No Mommy, Barbie fakes with Ken, she comes with GI Joe."

- Why can't Barbie get pregnant?
Because Ken comes in a different box.

- Heard about the new "divorce Barbie"?
She comes with the house, the car and all of Ken's accessories.

- The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were 'protecting'. Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deaf person for this job - if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing. Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over 50,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the mafia drags the guy to an interpreter. The mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is." The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?" The deaf replies, "I don't know what you're talking about." The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The hood pulls out a .38 gun and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "NOW ask him where da money is. The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?" The deaf man replies, "The 50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left from the West 78th Street gate ." The interpreter says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the balls to pull the trigger."

- A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes a woman comes in and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." The priest asks "What did you do?". The woman says "I committed adultery." Priest: "How many times?" Woman: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more." A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." Priest: "What did you do?" Man: "I committed adultery." Priest:"How many times?" Man: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's put $5 in the box and go and sin no more." The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." Rabbi: "What did you do?" Woman: "I committed adultery." Rabbi: "How many times?" Woman: "Once." Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5."

- What do you call a Gay Dinosaur?
Megasoreass

- What do you call a Lesbian Dinosaur?
Lickalotofpuss

- A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

- How do you know a female bartender is mad at you?
You find a string in your bloody Mary.

- Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

- A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the TV, eat dinner, and sit some more - would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit. One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, "Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?" Her husband snarled, "What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man?" and sat down on the sofa. The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn't work. When her husband got home, she said, very nicely, "Honey, the disposal won't work. Would you try to fix it for me?" Once again, he growled, "What do I look like? Mr. Plumber?" The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, "Honey, the washer isn't running. Would you check on it?" And again was met with a snarl, "What do I look like? The Maytag repairman?" Finally, she had had enough. The next morning, the woman called three repairmen to fix the toilet, the garbage disposal, and the washer. When her husband got home, she said, "Honey, I had the repairmen out today." He frowned, "Well, how much is that going to cost?" "Well, honey, they all said I could pay them by baking them a cake or having sex with them." "Well, what kind of cakes did you bake them?" he asked. She smiled. "What do I look like? Betty Crocker?"

- Why did Tommy fall of the bike?
Because Tommy was a goldfish.

- What's brown and sticky?
A brown stick.

- Once upon a time there were three beautiful, shiny but tiny pieces of granite. They were brothers - chips off the old block - and their names were Alf, Fern and Byron, whom they called "By" for short. They were very proud of themselves, being beautiful pebbles and all, and Fern, By and Alf swore an oath never to allow themselves to be a part of anything that was beneath their dignity. One day a stone mason spied them on the ground. Impressed by their beauty, he scooped By, Alf and Fern up and took them with him to a house he was building. There they met two half-finished projects and began to talk to them. Fran was a plain stone and mortar fireplace. Dudley was elegant table with pieces of marble and jade inlaid in the top. Fern, Alf and By began to scoff and sneer at poor Fran. "We're going to be part of Dudley, the classy and gorgeous table," they taunted, "Not part of an ugly old thing like you!" Poor Fran was reduced to tears. Even the stone cutter seemed impervious to her pain and did nothing to stop the cruel jokes. "What do you expect?" Dudley told her, "A mason, Alf the Pebble, By the Pebble and Fern the Pebble shall not cherish Fran the Hearth!"

- What do you call four Mexican Bullfighters in quicksand?
Quatro Cinco

- The doctor took his patient into a room and said, "I have some good news and some bad news." The patient said, "Give me the good news first." The doctor said "They're going to name a disease after you."

- What's pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa monster?
Grandma monster

- What's the difference between snot and broccoli?
Kids won't eat broccoli.

-What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm

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